MIRACLES

Sometimes people come up to me, concerned that I might be a Juggalo.

“Look how my shirt is tucked in.” I tell them. “Also I am not mystified by magnets.”

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Ways I Have Referred to Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch”

Ways I Have Referred to Dan Hill’s “Sometimes When We Touch”

  • Wet Kleenex
  • Vat of middle-school girl tears
  • Beef jerky soggifier
  • Testosterone nullifier
  • That thing we should engrave onto a golden disk and shoot into space to serve as a warning to any aliens who find the naked pictures on the “Voyager” spacecraft

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HOW RELIGIOUS FANTASY ROMANCE NOVELS WOULD PLAY OUT IN REAL LIFE

HOW RELIGIOUS FANTASY ROMANCE NOVELS WOULD PLAY OUT IN REAL LIFE

STOIC, RUGGED AMISH FARMER: I need a goodly wife to mend my breeches, cook my meals, and sometimes help me raise barns.

CAREER WOMAN WHO HAS LOST SIGHT OF THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE: I am sorry, Strangely Compelling Amish Dude, but I want different things out of life and romance and your buggy doesn’t have a USB port for my iPhone.

*THEY WISH EACH OTHER WELL AND GO THEIR SEPARATE WAYS*

<FIN>

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Maturing is realizing how many things don’t require your comment.
— Rachel Wolchin (via psych-facts)
Reblogged from Neurolove.me

tastefullyoffensive:

Dad Joke Dog #2 (previously)

Reblogged from FOLK & POTATOES